Through out my childhood, I was involved in sports such as volleyball, track, and weightlifting. These extracurriculars played a huge role in shaping me into the person I am today, but I never realized how much of an impact they actually had on me.
Before I can really explain the full scope of things, I'm going to need to back track to my middle school days. When I was in 6th grade, I was diagnosed with Tourettes Syndrome. My case was never as bad as those mockery YouTube videos, but it was still severe enough that it completely controlled my life. Growing up with an neurological impulse disorder, that makes you stand out in a not so favorable way, was anything but easy. There were times I'd have to be isolated due to my distracting behavior and it also caused me to lose many friends.
For years, I battled with a variety of medications, some which worked but only with unpleasant side effects. The main medications that I took from 9th grade until my Junior year of college definitely helped control my tics, but balancing the dosages based on my athletic performances was a struggle. Tourette's is brought on by stress and stress can be exaggerated by fatigue. Due to this, I'd have to raise my medication dosages during track season and lower them during weight lifting season. I had this completely under control until I went to college.
Being throw into a new environment with a whole new routine changed the way my body reacted to my medications. I was staying up hours later than usual to study and I no longer had a fitness routine. This caused my stress levels to sky rocket and I had to take the highest dosages permitted of my medications. All of these new factors caused many new side effects to start occurring. My energy levels plummeted and all I wanted to do was sleep. When I wasn't sleeping, I was supposed to be studying, but the medications made my mind too foggy to focus. My grades suffered severely due to all of this and it was getting to the point that my family was expecting me to transfer schools. Being raised with a sporting nature taught me not to be a quitter though. I always dreamed of going to The University of Florida and I wasn't going to let my medications or Tourette's get in the way. I knew I needed to do something differently, but I wasn't sure what.
I finally decided that the only way I was going to finish school was if I was able to study. The only way I could study is if my mind wasn't foggy. Finally, the only way my mind wouldn't be foggy was if I got off my medications. All of my doctors and neurologist told me it was a horrible idea. They all insisted that it would back fire and everything would be 10x worse than it currently was. We discussed the variety of withdrawal symptoms I'd face after being medicated for 12 years, but I was persistent on it being worth the risk. Turns out, the doctors were right of course. My body reacted terribly to the withdrawal and I became someone I didn't recognize. I put on an extra 40 pounds and entered a very dark place emotionally. My grades suffered even more than before and my life went completely off track. After dropping several classes, I decided to go home for the summer to get my head straight.
Throughout the summer, I realized that my struggles weren't caused my one big issue. They were cause by
a domino effect from a bunch of little issues. So when I went back to UF in the fall, I knew I couldn't fix everything with one big change. I needed to make many little changes. I started my journey by adjusting my diet and eating clean. For someone who ate fast food for almost every meal, this change was the hardest. Instead of hopping in my car and driving to the closest drive thru, I had to learn how to navigate through the kitchen to make my meals fresh and healthy. After I started getting used to this change, I decided it was time for the next step. Since working out and sports were always a big part of my life, I knew that was a good direction to go. I put on my running shoes, found a great song on Pandora, and stepped out my door. I was sort of excited to get back out there, but I was super anxious at the same time. For someone who would run multiple miles a day growing up, I was expecting to do the same on this run. Wrong. I made it to my next door neighbors mailbox and turned around. I was extremely disappointed in myself and felt like a failure. I didn't let this stop me the next day though. I put on my shoes again, found a song with a bit more pump to it, and stepped out my door. This time I ran two mail boxes away instead of one. Yet again, I was disappointed in myself, but I didn't give up. Each day, I ran a mail box further and before I knew it, I stopped tracking my distance by mailboxes and started tracking it by miles.
a domino effect from a bunch of little issues. So when I went back to UF in the fall, I knew I couldn't fix everything with one big change. I needed to make many little changes. I started my journey by adjusting my diet and eating clean. For someone who ate fast food for almost every meal, this change was the hardest. Instead of hopping in my car and driving to the closest drive thru, I had to learn how to navigate through the kitchen to make my meals fresh and healthy. After I started getting used to this change, I decided it was time for the next step. Since working out and sports were always a big part of my life, I knew that was a good direction to go. I put on my running shoes, found a great song on Pandora, and stepped out my door. I was sort of excited to get back out there, but I was super anxious at the same time. For someone who would run multiple miles a day growing up, I was expecting to do the same on this run. Wrong. I made it to my next door neighbors mailbox and turned around. I was extremely disappointed in myself and felt like a failure. I didn't let this stop me the next day though. I put on my shoes again, found a song with a bit more pump to it, and stepped out my door. This time I ran two mail boxes away instead of one. Yet again, I was disappointed in myself, but I didn't give up. Each day, I ran a mail box further and before I knew it, I stopped tracking my distance by mailboxes and started tracking it by miles.
Once I was getting used to this new addition to my journey, I decided it was time to add weightlifting into my routine. I showed up to the gym and was so pumped to get into the squat rack. Squats were my all time favorite thing back in high school. I was a fairly tiny human back then, but I had some decent muscle on my legs and I could squat close to 300 pounds. I carried this mindset with me into the weight room while on this next step of my journey. When I got to the squat rack, I was so afraid to do light weight since I used to lift so much more. I put 45s on both side and was so confident that it be fine. Again I was wrong. I went right to the floor. Like running, I realized I needed to start small again and work my way up. After a lot of time and hard work, my strength was coming back and I was starting to feel like the girl I used to be.
Even though all of these changes I made were physical, they had an overwhelming impact on me mentally. Since I was dedicating the majority of my time to the way I treated myself, I started to change the way I let other treat me as well. I no longer let people use me or make me feel like I didn't matter. After sometime though, I finally reflected on all the changes I had made. I thought back to my mindset I had when I started the journey. My overall goal was to get back to the person I was. I realized though, that through all the hard work I had done, I had become someone better. In the past, I would dwell on my Tourettes and my struggles. I would let them define me and control my every move. Once I took control of my life though, my Tourettes started to fade without me even realizing it. It finally got to the point where months had passed and I had no tics of symptoms from my Tourettes at all. It was then that I realized that anything is possible. None of my doctors, family, or friends ever imagined I'd overcome the obstacles that I faced. I'm sure they were certain I'd end up giving up on my journey because it was not an easy way out. What they didn't know though was how badly I wanted this change. I discovered when you want something more than anything else, nothing can get in your way.
Life is too short to be controlled by constraints that limit our potential. When we want something, we have to fight for it. Like they say, if it were easy, everyone would be doing it. Changing your lifestyle is not easy though. It's a daily battle. They beautiful part is that it's not a short term battle. It's a long term change that will impact your life forever. The struggles I went through and the fights that I lost and won created the person I am today. This person is someone I am extremely proud of and I know my journey is still just beginning. This is why I made this blog and my other social media accounts, like my Instagram (@annarufitness). I want to create a community of people who are all fighting for the lifestyle they know they deserve. So if you're feeling inspired and want to join, follow me on here and follow me on Instagram! I'm so excited to see where this takes us because this is just the beginning.
